Aaron Judge, our favorite large baseball son, hit his 18th home run on Friday, keeping him at the top of the home run leaderboard for the season. The Yankees rookie is good at hitting dingers that double as free souvenirs for baseball fans.
There was one particular fan who wanted an Aaron Judge homer so badly. Unfortunately, the ball landed in the upper deck, causing the fan to get frustrated and smash himself repeatedly in the penis maybe not directly on his penis, but definitely in that area.
There will be plenty of free baseball that will land by you in the future, my dude. There’s no need to smash your penis. Anyway, the home run was good, but the Yankees ultimately lost, 7-5, to Toronto. If that fan was rooting for the Blue Jays (and it looks like he was wearing a Blue Jays jersey), well, at least something went his way.
The Reds’ rebuilding plan has been kicked in the tail a little bit, what with the surprising success of some of the Grade-C prospects they’ve accumulated over the last couple years (Adam Duvall, Eugenio Suarez).
This helps the Reds’ forward momentum, even if they have to be a little disappointed that the Twins got to their Plan A first. Considering the available talent, from both the high school and college ranks, it’s hard to argue with this pick.
The Minnesota Twins have enjoyed some All-Star seasons from their shortstops. Two of them since 1997, in fact. Christian Guzman’s memorable Season of Infinite Triples made the list, as did a season from the perennially underrated Jason Bartlett.
The problem, though, is that the Twins haven’t had nearly enough of them just six starting-caliber seasons in the last 20 years. Three of them came from Bartlett, one from Guzman, one from Pat Meares, and one from Pedro Florimon. That last one came in 2013, and it’s the only example from the last decade.